trente-cinq: trop tard.

I've said it a million times before, but I really cannot keep up with this blog. I just completely forget about it, which is a shame because I had so much free time this summer and I just re-read my last entry about the Doncaster Open, and it made me laugh even if no one else on the interweb is bothered. I just can't believe that that happened last summer, which was a hazy dream that sometimes bored me to tears and sometimes elevated me beyond the natural realms of ecstasy.

But I'm back at Warwick. In Coventry to be more precise.

This year is slightly different. Easier in some ways, harder in others.

Easier: we're in a house. Much more homely, I don't feel as alone as I did last year somehow. But then there are occasional times when I'm sat in my room and it feels just like Claycroft and I feel like I'm drowning, that awful suffocating feeling that you just can't shake off and translating French or reading Flaubert just does not help in the slightest

Harder: we're in a house that isn't on campus. Consequently we have to deal with buses. I quite like buses but I don't trust Coventry ones. Not only do you have to have the exact change at all times (not a problem with my bus pass but nevertheless) but seeing as they head towards the university they are often majorly packed. Which is wonderful when you're in a hurry. Fortunately I am the most prepared young lady of my generation so I am always an hour early for absolutely everything, wow I'm so cool.

Easier: I'm a uni veteran now. I've kind of got used to the heart pangs and the nausea that accompagnies trop de travail. I can cook and I can clean and I can take care of myself.

Harder: still doesn't make missing Martin and the family any easier. I'm more settled but every now and then I still burn, and then I have to organise next year en France and it scares me more than a little. But I picked this degree; in all honesty I need to do this. It will help me so much. The work at university is also evidently harder, which was to be expected but maybe not to the extent that we've all encountered. Luckily I'm quite paranoid about studying and I like to get as far ahead as humanly possible with work etc. Makes it a little easier on myself.

I really am going to try and make an effort. If not now then definitely when I head out to France, I can imagine that it would be a useful memento. As I keep saying, just have to keep plodding away